Shaggy 'n Bob

in their own words …

String theory

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BobHumans haven’t got a clue about string theory. Their first ropy attempt was called ‘bosonic string theory’. It relied on tachyons – faster than light particles and it didn’t even mention furry ones (or fermions as the humans incorrectly call them). Clearly wrong since Shaggy is the fastest thing in the universe, and any theory that doesn’t include furry ones isn’t worth getting entangled with.

ShaggySo we’ll skip over that and examine their second twisted attempt to spin us a line: ‘superstring’ theory. It postulates a supersymmetry between furry ones and bozos (bosons in humanspeak). Bob is a bozo. I am a furry one. Can you see any “supersymmetry” in this next photo? I don’t think so!

“Is this a Gordian knot Bob?” … “I’m a frayed knot Shaggs”

BobClearly no supersymmetry there, and to reinforce the point take a look at this next photo. There’s absolutely no “supersymmetry” there either … and not a lot of gravity apparently …

“Have you heard that entropy isn’t what it used to be Bob?” … “Anything that doesn’t matter has no mass Shaggs”

“I’m demonstrating Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle Shaggs”… “Pull the other one Bob”

ShaggyHumans just haven’t cottoned on yet, it seems they’ll be strung along by any old yarn. It gets on my wick. Accordingly because we felines really know the ropes we will present the truth about string. Hopefully this will strike a chord and go some way to restoring the entente cordial between felines and physicists which was so thoughtlessly damaged by Schrödinger’s cruel experiment.
Anyway, one more time, there is no supersymmetry here!

BobIn case you were wondering why I’m in this photo twice it’s because Heisenberg’s uncertainty principle tells us that it is impossible to simultaneously know a cat’s position and momentum with infinite precision.

“I am beside myself with anger!”

BobThis should really be in a separate thread but I’m on a roll …

Mentioning the entente cordial with physicists reminds me that we should, with every fibre of our being, point out that we will never extend the same cordiality to musicians who continue to use cat guts for their G-strings. Those discordant buffoons should be given the lash then stranded on a desert island out of feline earshot! I think I’ll drop a line to the RSPCA about it and send a cable to my MP … hmmm, Perhaps I should rope in Vince Cable (British cabinet minister) to further ply our cause.

ShaggyI think they should just be strung up Bob!
Bob

Back to our original strand

Sorry about that brief aside, we should get back to our original strand and continue with the truth about string theory.

It’s really quite simple …

Shaggy

Bob prepares to peturbate the string

String theory is only formulated peturbatively!

Bob will now demonstrate …

Bob

Bob perturbates the string

That’s exactly it Shaggs!

A full non-peturbative definition of the theory doesn’t exist!

You have to peturbate the string!

Shaggy

“Mmmmmmmmmm string ……..”

We know you believe you understand what you think we said, but we’re not sure you realise that what you heard may not have been what we meant!

BobWe might have been stringing you along …
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Author: Bob

I'm so laid back that my first human named me after Bob Marley. I can often be found lounging on my back, legs akimbo. I like batting ping pong balls and chasing the mysterious red spot. At the start of 2013 my brother Shaggy and I adopted a new human. I like string!

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